Sunday, December 5, 2010

Reverb 10 Days 4 & 5

Prompt 4: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I don’t know that I’ve directly done this in my life but I get to feel the sense of wonder that my kids feel through them, so I make sure that they always have an opportunity to wonder about things. I guess in my own life this year I’ve taken more of a step towards not stifling the creative urges I get. For awhile now I have because there always seem to be more “important” things to do. I realized however that not giving in to my desire to create has not really made me very happy and has just made me kind of resentful towards whatever it is that may be more important. I would really like to continue on with that next year and of course continue to experience or re-experience the wonder of things through my kids eyes as well.

Prompt 5: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I haven’t been able to fully let go of anything this year, but I have made some pretty big strides towards letting go of certain things. There are some that are harder than others. I’m still constantly working at letting go of the idea I had of what my life would be like because when I made my “life plan” it didn’t include kids, and lets just say what I’d planned is not something that is completely possible now! I’m also working on letting go of that desire for everything to be perfect. Don’t get me wrong, I know that things can’t be perfect in one part of my brain, but there is still this whole other part that gets so upset about the fact that things aren’t perfect. I’m not a size 2-4 anymore, my house gets messed up probably within 2 hours of cleaning it (because I have kids and my house is lived in), I don’t have the nicest newest clothes or insane well maintained hair and nail. My kids are bad sometimes, they act out in public. These are all things I understand, I get that these things are part of life, but I still get upset. I freak out when the kids dump the clothes I just washed and folded all right back out of their dresser. I get mad when one of them does something that is remotely rude or mean in a public place, like screaming or pushing or taking a toy or whatever. I get upset with myself when I try on something that fit before I had our last kid, and it doesn’t fit. This one I think will take a while to work on because like I said, I know it’s ridiculous to attempt perfection, but there is a much larger part of me that still thinks I can and gets mad at any aspect of my life that isn’t. Letting go is definitely something that isn’t easy for me, so I am happy that I have even started to try to let go of anything.

1 comment:

  1. I think you're frustration at things not being "perfect" is hereditary. I'm glad that you are learning at a much younger age, that perfection isn't always necessary. I hope you are successful at letting go of those images as it will make you and your family much happier. My wish for you is that you learn from your parents' mistakes as to how they deal or dealt with situations they thought were less than ideal.